When a Friend or Family Member is Being Abused

Domestic violence can and does happen to anyone, regardless of their race, class, sexual orientation or gender identity. According to the U.S. Office of Justice Programs Bureau of Justice statistics, between 90-95% of domestic violence victims are women. For ease of reading, we have used female pronouns in the information provided below. However, many services are available to male, as well as female victims.

Chances are someone you know has been afraid for her safety in her own home. She may be your neighbor, your daughter, your boss or your best friend. She may tell you her fears or she may stay silent. You may see her bruises, or she may hide her injuries deep inside.

If you know or suspect that someone in your life is in danger from domestic violence, get support. If you are not sure how to help, call the Day One^® Minnesota Domestic Violence Crisis Line, 1.866.223.1111 or send us an email.

If someone tells you she has experienced domestic violence...

Listen to her: You may be the first person she has told. Your reaction is important. Take your time. Hear her story. Believe her.

Respect her choices: You may be tempted to tell her to leave, or ask why she has not. Domestic violence can be very dangerous both emotionally and physically. Many victims who are assaulted or killed by their abusers are trying to escape their relationships. She will know what is safe for her at this moment.

Have the conversation: Talking about domestic violence can feel uncomfortable or awkward. Her abuser may be your relative or your friend. Put her safety and need to be heard above your own opinions and discomfort. Spend more time listening than talking, but understand she may not tell you everything. Let her share what she can at her own pace.

Offer resources and support: But know she may not be ready to use them right now. Keep the door open. Let her know that when she needs you, you will be there. Offer to watch her kids if she needs some time, hug her if she needs to cry, or sit with her if she is ready to call for help.

Help her stay safe: If she is not ready to leave right now, make sure that she has a plan to keep herself and her family safe if there is an incident. You could offer to store a copy of her important documents, precious mementos and emergency money at your home where she can get it if she needs to escape quickly.

Offer to help her get medical attention: If she or her child is physically hurt.

Give her the Minnesota Domestic Violence Crisis Line: 1.866.223.1111 and tell her she can call it any time, day or night, whether she wants to find a safe place to go or just get support.

Take care of yourself: If you feel challenged, depressed or outside of your comfort zone, get support, but remember to keep the identifying details of her story confidential. It is best not to discuss her situation with mutual friends or family, and instead to seek help from a domestic violence professional or another trusted individual that does not know her personally (such as a therapist or spiritual leader). If you are not sure where to turn, call the Day One^® MN Domestic Violence Crisis Line and a trained advocate will assist you.